Let me guess why you don't believe in God. If I am right, what I point out will change you forever today.
You feel jaded. Your parents hurt you, offended you, maybe even abused you, and they NEVER listened to you. Your Dad wasn't even around. He divorced Mom; He worked too much. He didn't care. Where was God for you?
When you had questions, people gave you books. But nobody listened.
When you broke the rules, your Mom was embarrassed, but nobody explained why it mattered. You were an embarrassment to the family, and now, they are an embarrassment to you.
You are not like your Mom and Dad. Their worldview is empty. They go to church and "believe in God," but they can't answer your most straightforward challenges. At least, they don't respond. It must be because they are unable.
You tried to follow the rules and to please Mom, but it didn't feel authentic. You weren't acting as the real you. The honest version of you has many questions. You can't go through life faking it, and you will not do so. Your friends have the same problems. They seem to be free. At least, they are free to speak their minds! Christianity is a hoax and a ball and chain. Christianity is for fearful people like your Mom. She doesn't understand the world; she is just running scared and clinging to God to rescue her, which He never does. Your Dad still left, and your Mom only cried and was crushed. Nobody came to the rescue. Now your Mom prays for you, and you will make sure THAT prayer never gets answered!
You don't believe in God because you won't believe in God. What has God ever done for you except brought guilt and shame? God ignores your Mom's prayers, condemns the sexuality of your friends, kills your pleasures, and is altogether a bullying, indifferent, and negligent Father. You will show Him, and you will show them all, God is dead!
GOD IS DEAD! There! You've said it. Now You are free. You are free to be you and to live life according to your conscience. But what is your conscience? From where did it come? Why do you have notions about right and wrong? It must be the residue of your childhood. You need time for it to wear off. When you smoke and drink and sleep with your girlfriend, things get better. You feel accepted, happy, fulfilled, and...numb. No worries, the empty feeling will subside. The only thing you need is more time, a good job, maybe some recognition of intellect or talent or accomplishment. Perhaps you need the right political party in power or to belong to a cause for justice in the world. After all, you are the victim of injustice. Remember how nobody was there for you at home? Nobody was there, nobody listened, because nobody cared. Now is your chance to make the injustice known. Burn their house of cards down! It's all a facade. The Police, Wall Street, The Church; it's all stuff your Mom and Dad cared about, only they didn't care about you. Burn it down! That will make you feel better.
2020: BOOM! Take that! It's burning. Why don't you feel satisfied? Why didn't that do it? More drugs, more sex, more revolutions. It's all empty. Worse than empty, you also still feel that twinge of guilt. Why is it so hard to kill your conscience? You were supposed to be free to live according to your conscience, so why is it now condemning you? You are trying to live authentically, but you are practically raising yourself. If you make some mistakes during your exploration, shouldn't there be some leeway for experiments? Shouldn't there be some grace? You don't want to condemn my friends for their mistakes. That's why you are friends. You don't judge each other. But you still fight, you still cheat each other, and you still feel guilty. You thought you had the answer to life's problems, yet; nothing seems to change. You wonder, did your parents ever feel this way? Did they ever doubt their own choices?
Irony. You live to be free of judgment, and the whole time, you are condemning your parents. And for your parents, you hold no quarter. There is no forgiveness and no grace. There is no excuse for their mistakes. You set out to hold them accountable. When you burn down the institutions, you are burning the effigy of your Parents. Somehow, the heat of those fires is burning you too.
Let me tell you now: The mercy you don't give is the mercy you don't get. Jesus put it this way: "But if you refuse to forgive others, your [Heavenly] Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:15) (Brackets added for clarity).
Don't you think that your parents have fears too? Don't you know that your parents were hurt as well? They were teenagers and college students. They rebelled, they were angry, they felt abandoned too. They tried to fix the world and to do things differently. They failed too. Don't you think they need some grace also?
You have felt so justified in your anger that you believed you could do no wrong. But can't you see that you are not so different from your parents? They accidentally burnt your life to the ground when they divorced and were so busy fighting that they didn't even know you were in pain. Now, they are in pain, and it is because of you. You hurt them on purpose. Not to mention, you have haphazardly used and abused many of your friends on this journey of self-discovery. Broken relationships and a failure to meet your own ideals is the trace you left behind on your trail. And here is the Truth: There is only one way forward for you, and it is the same one that has been there since Jesus declared, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:6). Your way forward is through the grace and forgiveness of Jesus.
Grace is what you need. Grace is what your parents need. Grace is what God gives.
The Bible says that "God so loved the world that He gave..." God gave. He didn't take; He didn't burn, He didn't neglect. God gave. To receive from God what is undeserved, cannot be bought, and never earned is grace. The future, the hope, the meaning in life that you seek, is found in the grace, mercy, forgiveness, and resurrection power of Jesus alone. You will never find what you desire on your own. You can never even the score with your parents. Vengeance will leave the world, including yourself, on fire. You must forgive, and you must receive forgiveness.
Up to this point, you haven't believed in God because you haven't accepted grace. You didn't think you needed grace, and you weren't about to give grace to anyone else. But are you now ready to change your tune? How about singing Hymn number 134?
Hymn 134 AMAZING GRACE:
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind, but now I see."